ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
