worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
