sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Randomize
