Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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