Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I need a beard to bite.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
