she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
