She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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