New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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