the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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