Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
