my sisters under your porch take her home
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
