What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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