The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
