What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
