you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
