So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
