Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
