So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
