Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
