The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Randomize
