And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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