meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
