Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
