Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
