Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
