Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
