I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I will be naked everywhere
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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