Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
