I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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