i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
