he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
