i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
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