Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
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