you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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