Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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