You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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