We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
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