Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
