I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
