I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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