big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
