I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
