Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
