You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
