I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
