You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
