I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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