i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Randomize
