I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
