Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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