I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
