at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Randomize
