I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
