he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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