You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
