2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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