You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
