By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
