Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
